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Before the advent of the internet, long-distance relationships were rare. Most people met their mates in school, through a friend or neighbor, at a party or in a bar. In today=s world, it is not unusual for men and women to connect online who live hundreds and even thousands of miles apart.

She lives in Connecticut, he lives in Idaho or she lives in England and he lives in Texas. They exchange emails for awhile, then to letters, photos and phone calls. Then finally expensive airline tickets are purchased and they meet! They like each other’s looks, there is a great deal of chemistry, they spend several days or a week
together. They have fun, they communicate well, sex is great! (more…)

I have always been an observer of my friends’ and acquaintances’ behavior, especially relating to relationships, which is one of the reasons I became a psychotherapist. I was especially interested in why so many relationships are unhappy. During the time I owned and operated a face-to-face dating service and was privy to personal histories of a number of men and women, I formulated what I call “The Path of Least Resistance”: people often do not consciously choose a mate and instead drift into committed relationships with a partner who chooses them. The partner pursues, is persistent and has an assertive personality – insensitive to whether their feeling are reciprocated – as long as the relaltionship is maintained.

The “love object” is passive in relationships though not in life in general and will accept the relationship as long as the pursuer is not physically unattractive to him or her. (more…)

Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it. George Santayana

“Why do I always wind up with the wrong person? I want someone who is kind, loving, reliable and open. Yet my relationships are always with men who are angry, hostile, emotionally unavailable and cannot keep a job.”

“I want a woman who is emotionally stable and independent, but I always wind up with women who are overly dramatic, tend to hysteria and depend on me to make their decisions.”

These are common problems brought to me by clients. They blame bad luck, coincidence or accident for winding up with the exact opposite of the type of person they say they prefer in a relationship.

One very attractive female marketing manager in her mid thirties agonized – “If I went to a party and there were fifty men in the room – and 49 were college graduates who were business or professional men – and the 50th was a high-school
dropout with a felony police record – number 50 and I would somehow find each other.” (more…)

When starting a new relationship, many women (and men as well) tend to overlook some behaviors in their new partner that do not bode well for the future. Then, down the road, comes the exclamation ‘If I had only known…’. As a Psychotherapist who has worked with mostly women and a few men in the field of Domestic Violence, during counseling sessions we can always trace back unpleasant and also dangerous character traits to the very start of the relationship.

Here are some ‘Red Flags’ to watch out for in a new partner. (more…)